Bored with social media and thinking about joining Twitter? No doubt you’ve mastered Facebook having banged your 7th grade sweetheart and more model “friends” than anyone. A natural transition right? Just remember one thing: Twitter is not Facebook.
In fact, Facebook is the clean-shaven Mormon boy, who wakes you up with a Psalm or two. Twitter is the mustachioed, evil-twin, who tweets about your mother, while fingering your big sis.
Anonymity on the Internet is the new liquid courage. Twitter has a disdain for traditional value, and penchant for substance-abuse. And since females comprise the most popular of Tweeters and often tweet about their sexual exploits, it can be a great place to meet women.
Our advice is to be succinct. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Women on Twitter are not only sexually open, generally attractive, but they like a man who has a sense of humor.
Take these two tweets for example:
“If you serve others as fully as you can, what you do will be a source of inner joy.” – Dalai Lama
This type of tweet is profound, but ridiculous because it don’t get you any boob-shots. If your goal is to be on Oprah with women “ooing” and “aaaing”, this generic sentiment can be alluring. But if you want your neighbor to have her panties comin’ off for you, leave these sweet lines for her boyfriend.
“A butthole is a vagina’s stunt-double.” – Smart Guy
This is also profound, in a sophomore kind of way, and appeals to many females who use Twitter to exploit their own sexuality for a sense of empowerment. It’s not a male-dominated networking site, and this type of crass, albeit humorous tweet, may result in an invite to a “Tweet-up” – a potential orgy of longer humor and apple martinis.
Women on Twitter tend to embrace their sexuality, by donning you with links to their hoo-hoos and rewarding excellent tweets by raining virtual blowjobs upon you. The more you hone your skills, the more attention you’re going to get.
Hang in there and refrain from tending to your virtual farm, Foursquaring your dinner at Sizzler, or inviting others to your Mafia. You may just have a shot at being a successful “tweeter,” and your success may get you laid.