type of guys not to bring home to mom

Good For You, Bad For Mom

Just like you have to eat the free samples at Costco because they’re there, you need to sleep with certain people if they cross your path. Everyone thinks they already have a type, but there’s something to be said for sampling what else is out there. You wouldn’t want to bring them home for the holidays, but you can still bring them home for a night of your own festivities. Open your mind—and your legs—and learn how to spot these three types that will expand your sexual horizons.

  • The Activist – The first order of business when encountering an alleged activist is to make sure they’re not actually a dirty hippie. This can usually be solved by a simple observation of footwear: barefoot or Birkenstocked is a dead giveaway you’re in the midst of hippie, while TOMS and Tevas will steer you in the right direction. If you’re able to get past the droning on about sustainable farming, you just might agree that PETA members make better lovers. The selling point of bedding an activist is that in the heat of the moment, all their passion for bike-sharing programs will be transferred to their nether regions. Chanting and fist-pumping become panting and humping, and before you know it, you’ll be happy to sign their petitions after all the horribly wonderful things they’ve done to you.
  • The Musician – A sexy voice and nimble finger work isn’t something to be overlooked when it comes to selecting a slumber party partner. Manual dexterity and an impressive lung capacity can go a long way in the bedroom. If you’ve never experienced a blow job hummed in the tune of your favorite song or had your clit played like a harmonica, keep an eye out for a musician. Follow the clues of chain wallets, glasses, black nail polish (this goes for both sexes), and of course instrument cases. Break the ice by commenting on whatever music is playing, or mention that you have a song stuck in your head. Their ears won’t be the only thing to perk up. Soon they’ll be burning you a mixed CD of bands you need to know, so invite them over to listen to it together. By the end of the night, you’ll be singing their praises in the sack.
  • The Artist or Writer – According to one British study, creative people have up to twice the average number of sexual encounters as others. What this means for you is a good chance of hooking up with someone who’s desperate to be understood. Doesn’t matter if you really didn’t “get” their sculpture made of pennies and cigarette butts. This type will eventually give up trying to explain their artistic vision and just pound it into you the old-fashioned way. The best part is that afterward, they’ll look knowingly into your eyes, pay you some weirdly beautiful compliment, and get the hell out. Don’t you know you’ve just inspired their next project?