You’ve waited all night for it. You tremble in breathless anticipation as he tugs at the elastic waist of his snug boxer briefs. You bite your lip, your chest heaves–the big moment has finally arrived. He drops anchor and… and… arrghhh! It’s Captain Hook, the cock-eyed, crooked dick. A bedroom pirate, a bent buccaneer, and the last thing you were expecting. It’s enough to put any damsel in distress.
While it’s not uncommon for a man’s penis to have a little bit of a curve–some dicks are just downright bent. It’s a condition called Peyronie’s disease, affecting nearly 30% of all men (NIDDK). A Peyroine’s penis is severely curved or bent due to the growth of scar tissue under the skin caused by biological reasons or direct trauma. It can be a total deal-breaker in bed unless, however, you know how to make the most of what the good Captain’s got. Fear not fair maiden, there are answers!
The Upward Hook
This can actually be a treasure trove of pleasure. Most sex toys are made with a bend in this direction specifically to stimulate your nether regions. A woman’s G-spot is generally four-inches deep in her vagina. This is why on-top positions are optimal with your plundering upturned pirate. They ensure that you are being rubbed the right way. Just be careful that your back remains straight or leans forward. Any lusty thrusts backwards can and will be painful for both of you.
The Downtown Hook
However rare it may be and scary as it may seem, the inward curving hook too can be worked to your advantage. Show him your booty with the Reverse Cowgirl! This allows you to hit the G-spot with his underhook and lets you to control penetration and speed. Plus, he gets the added benefit of a spectacular view.
The Sideways Hook
X-marks the spot! Show him the map to your buried treasure by trying all the routes and angles. Maybe it’s the camel or spoon position; whatever helps him find the motion in the ocean and leaves you all wet. To keep you from throwing him overboard, AVOID the missionary or doggie style positions. Both offer limited pleasure for you and will help to avoid the annoying jackhammer, which bent guys just can’t seem to get enough of. Those positions will only cause pain and have you volunteering to walk the plank for a fast getaway.
The most important thing to remember as you are about to be carnally pillaged–make the most of the experience. Relax, have fun, and don’t be afraid to let him know if you are experiencing any pain or discomfort. So, forget the hook and don’t be afraid to take your own pirate adventure. The booty can be a pleasant treasure for you both.