Relationships are like road trips, always exciting in the beginning, usually fulfilling in the end, but hard to keep interesting in the middle. The first couple hundred miles stirs up stimulating conversations about the future and nostalgic stories from the past. Then something happens once you get out in the country.
The amusing anecdotes have been recycled and the initial excitement exhausted. All the upbeat radio stations have gone static along with the vibe in the car. Time slows down exponentially as the horizon never seems to change and before you know it, you’re lost. Blame is thrown back and forth; tempers flare and feelings are hurt. Mapquest didn’t indicate this detour on the directions and there’s no Onstar operator sending someone to help.
Neither road trips nor relationships are defined by where they begin or end. It’s the journey in between that gives testimony to the good times shared. Don’t fall victim to unexpected speed bumps; embrace the memories they create. Embark on these kinds of adventures often with your BF/GF, but always remember these rules of the road:
Cars are the worst place to argue. First, never have a scream-fest with your boyfriend while he operates a 3,000 lb. weapon. Second, chances are you’ve brought travel snacks and are no doubt devouring them mid-yell. Nothing starts a road trip like choking on a goddamn Slim Jim.
Never let the tank get lower than a quarter full. This also applies to the jiggling waterbed that is your stomach. Those snacks will probably disappear before you hit the interstate. Driving and eating is like doing Cocaine. And since both men and women are known to transform into ornery, shit-head versions of themselves when hungry, hit up the food shop sporadically.
Don’t attempt any short cuts. You’ve seen The Hills Have Eyes. Besides, the point is to spend time with your partner. Guys, you’re probably driving and you’ve definitely seen the National Lampoon Vacation movies. Clark didn’t get to flirt with the Blonde Bombshell driving the Ferrari taking a short cut.
Don’t neglect the privacy of open road. Seriously, pull over and mate like desert coyotes on a boulder in the luminescence of a full moon. Or keep driving and catch some road head. However you coordinate it, screw waiting till the motel to get freaky. It’s you, your lover and each others private parts; it’s your biological obligation to do it in the wild.
There are a few more rules, but who cares? Discover your own rules on your own road trip. The only thing that truly matters is being able to muster all the miles you’ll rack up with your co-pilot.