Going out to meet men for a night of hot passionate sex or a potential pseudo relationship sometimes requires a small group of the right kind of wing-women. Your wing-women should have similar goals and a certain level of attraction, if not uglier. Men can also benefit from choosing the right wingwomen.
There are several types of women that you should avoid going out with when your objective is to meet your future husband or cumming sans vibrator. These types of women detract from your goal of meeting men. So, if any of your girlfriends meet the criteria listed below, it’s time to re-evaluate the dumb bitches who are keeping you from getting finger banged by someone hot.
Some women can be self-serving conniving bitches, and fall into the 5 types of defunct wing-women to steer clear of when picking up men.
1. The Chatty Kathy: This is the girlfriend who won’t stop talking Brangelina or Obamacare when a potential prospect approaches. She is not aware that A) most guys don’t even know what Obama’s health care plan is, and B) no one gives a shit. Save this friend for when you need gossip during your weekly pedicure.
2. The Complainer: This friend usually spits out friendly conversation starters such “The drinks are too expensive”, “This bar has no Jews”, “My dress looks ugly”, or “You are so much prettier.” This friend always has something to complain about, and you should get rid of this worthless individual unless, of course, she picks up the tab and shares her 15% discount at Bergdorf’s.
3. The Prude: Women who are scared of men clearly have daddy issues and painfully low self-esteem. This doesn’t make them bad friends as they are probably great listeners or have great fashion and health advice. But when men approach Prudence McPrude and her reaction is that of a thirteen year old meeting Miley Cyrus, you come off as immature.
4. Your Newly Divorced Mother: After one too many sex on the beaches, your mom is at the end of the bar pouring her heart out to the Goldman banker about her junior year in Spain when it was the only time she felt truly free. Enough said, mothers and daughters should not pick up men together: See Dina and Lindsay Lohan.
5. The Vixen: Do not by any means go out with a woman who is much hotter than you when scouting men. Think about it, if you saw two men, you would go for the better looking man, so why would you expect a man to react any differently? He’s not going to know that your hot friend is a stuck up bitch with a rampant case of bipolar disorder. Vixens are great to invite to cocktail parties and help with networking-interesting sex advice. But, Vixens are not good wing-women because their two purposes in life are to seduce and destroy. You may envy her witty one-liners and her elementary knowledge of the stock market, but she’ll leave you feeling less worthy when meeting men-and you know you’re better than that.