Ever wake up in a bed you’ve never seen before with a stranger’s heavy arm prostrate over your body? Yay, It’s your first one-night stand!
It’s starting to look like Easter Sunday because you’re hunting for your clothes, keys, wallet, phone, and dignity. On top, you’ve got a pounding headache and sweat stains on your favorite shirt. And, it’s too early in the morning to ask yourself “what did I do?” or the more humbling question, “where did he put it?”
All you want to do is go home to where your stuffed animals still believe you’re a virgin. The aftermath of a one night stand is never pretty, but it’s the price we pay for sexual fulfillment.
In 2008, Durham University conducted an interesting study on 1743 men and women involved in one-night stands. The surprising results revealed 54% of women felt regret after having a one-night stand. Women in the study reportedly felt under appreciated and were worried about the potential damage to their reputation if others found out.
In the study, those women who felt “used” still took part in one-night stands because of menstrual cycle changes influencing their sexual motivation. During the ovulatory phase, women have increased sexual desire with a preference for short-term partners.
So, if the cock thrusting and headboard banging of last night has you feeling guilty, there are some things you can do to come out on top.
1. Keep your alcohol intake at a 3-4 drink maximum. It’s great when you can remember all 27 of last night’s yoga black-belt positions. If you’re the type that feels bad afterwards, make sure you’re sober to enjoy every minute.
2. Remember to greet the guy by his name in the morning. It’s better than waking up next to a stranger and doing the “hey you…” Seinfeld routine.
3. Keep all of your valuables next to you or give them to a friend before ditching the party. You don’t want to be digging out your keys from the dishwasher when his girlfriend walks in.
4. Wait until your partner wakes up before leaving. Tip-toeing out and bumping into the neighbor, who heard your “Ay Papi” routine the night before, is going to make you feel worse. Give some consideration to the morning after – you may feel better about it.
5. Take time to pull yourself together. Don’t run out bra-less with your undies hanging between your knees, and gum in your hair. The walk of shame will be a lot less shameful if you don’t look like a hurricane victim.