Guy going down on girl on park bench

Get Him to Go Down on You

The guy who loves to play hide-and-go-suck the second the lights go out – we all know him. Yeah, pretty much every man alive. You’ve sucked, cupped and juggled him with eye contact like he was a young Sean Connery again and again. But, if what goes around isn’t exactly cumming around to your muffin, we’re here to help.

For starters, give good head and lots of it. Put some elbow grease into it. Make his manhood feel worshiped. If you’ve already polished that knob to a high shine and there’s still only one pair of lips-smacking, it’s time to try more creative tactics. DO NOT talk about it. Yes, it’s healthy to communicate, but not when he articulates the pungency of your lady parts.

Also, don’t ask him about the time he went down on “This Other Chick” and let him describe it’s reminiscence to a scratch-n-sniff competition at Jim’s Pet World. You might as well invite him into the John while you’re crapping and say, “It’ll never smell this bad!” Follow these precautions to avoid reinforcing his lack of appetite.

Tongue-Punch List:

  • All guys like porn. Find some good cherry-licking and watch it when he’s around, if he takes the bait, you could also try 69ing. End over end rewards both partners for their work simultaneously.
  • Be the coach. You blow his whistle, don’t be afraid to make him respond to yours. Men enjoy an expressive navigator in bed. Explain your playbook to him – more pressure, speed change, the pointy finger, whatever you like.
  • DON’T focus on the negative. “I love it when you start slow with your tongue and use your hands,” is more affective than, “What the hell are you doing down there? I could get better head from a thirsty dog.”
  • Positive reinforcement. Reward him EVERY time he goes down on you – epic or not. How did Pavlov get those dogs salivating every time a bell rang? By giving them what they wanted. Watch sports, tell him you’ll take out the garbage, make his favorite meal in nothing but heels and an apron. He will be on his knees waiting to help you squirt out that tasty reduction. Give him more than he asks for and he’ll end up wanting your cookie for dessert every night.