Backseat Sex season is just around the corner with the weather getting colder and schools starting. A fresh crop of broke ass teenagers, unfamiliar with fake IDs and cheap motels, are finding cars as their only option. The backseat has become a necessity because even the hood rats have standards today, and hooking up in the woods is out of style.
Fear not backseat virgins, it doesn’t matter if you’re rollin’ in your parents’ old Camry instead of a Porsche when it comes to getting some. What’s important is getting cozy in the backseat, and with a few simple steps, you’ll be driving each other crazy before you drive home.
- Location – Location is crucial to any kind of intimate encounter, but especially in a vehicle. Hooking up is not a spectator sport, and nobody wants to have the “what are you doing here” conversation with local law enforcement while three-quarters naked. Pick a spot that’s relatively dark, and unlikely to have anyone else wander by. It’s less likely anyone else will show up, and if your date is attractive, you won’t be able to see their face.
- Parking – The way the vehicle is parked is a key element often overlooked. Whenever possible, try to park on a level surface. If parking on a hill is your only option, like in San Francisco where in Spanish it probably means “all hills both ways”, turn the wheels into the curb and set the parking brake too. If you roll away while hooking up and crash into someone else, you’ll be really screwed. Set the brake.
- Space Contraints – What space is there to work with? While SUVs and larger sedans may have ample backseat room, most coupes and sports cars don’t. If flexibility is not one of your strong suits and room is limited, consider other options. Recline the front passenger seat all the way back, and you almost have a bed to work with, or gather some blankets and pillows for the bed of a pick-up truck–the primary birthing method for some in the south.
- Circulation – Just like leaving a pet or child in the car on a hot day, overheating can be a concern with two people getting hot and heavy in the backseat. Roll a window down a few inches and enjoy the breeze. It’ll also keep the windows from fogging over so you won’t have to explain the ass print that shows up on the glass next time it’s cold out.
- Ambiance – Most cars these days have an iPod auxiliary input for the stereo… use it. If your car has an eight track, getting laid may be the least of your concerns. Music can be a powerful tool when it comes to setting the mood. It’s a good idea to play a CD. Also, consider opening the sunroof if there is one – just make sure it’s dark out because you don’t want to burn your ass.