Posts From V. Ryzhik, Toot It Writer

50 Shades of Grey

It may look like you’re reading the king James Bible when your husband scootches into bed next to you and farts under the covers before rolling over and snoring himself to sleep, but you’ve glued in pages from E. L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey right into the part where Jesus accuses Peter of denying him. By the time you finish reading, you look over at the overweight mass taking

Signs She’s Bad in Bed

Bars were created for two reasons: to get a drink and for men to enjoy women making a few bad decisions. Just be aware of the red flags so you don’t make a bad decision and choose to go home with a woman who’s bound to disappoint in the sack. According to a survey by Maxim, 86.6% of nearly 8,000 women said they would stay with a guy who was

Vagina Kegel Exercises for Women

Hate to break it to you ladies, but your man may not be the reason you’re having trouble getting off. But, don’t put your panties back on just yet. Besides bringing in another woman, a donkey and a can of sweet corn into the bedroom (don’t knock it till you try it, and expect high cleaning bills), kegel exercises are the best way to get it tight. Like any intricate

Picking Up Younger Women in Nightclubs

If you want to be scoring with college girls, do your dating homework first. There is a big misconception that older men can’t get younger women–not true. If you’re a balding man on the wrong side of 40, don’t bother pitching the sexy college grad unless you make serious bank or model for Bowflex. However, if you’ve still got a few prime years put on reserve, don’t let a lack

One-Night Stand Survival Guide

Ever wake up in a bed you’ve never seen before with a stranger’s heavy arm prostrate over your body? Yay, It’s your first one-night stand! It’s starting to look like Easter Sunday because you’re hunting for your clothes, keys, wallet, phone, and dignity. On top, you’ve got a pounding headache and sweat stains on your favorite shirt. And, it’s too early in the morning to ask yourself “what did I

Pretend to Have Sex With Someone Else

Face it, we’re never going to end up with someone we want to come with. Unless a woman camps out on Sunset Blvd. with a pair of binoculars and a stun-gun, there’s almost no chance she’ll ever bed Gerard Butler. Instead, she’ll end up with Joe Douche-bag who wears his socks while doing it, farts under the covers, and calls her a filthy whore – and not in the good