It may look like you’re reading the king James Bible when your husband scootches into bed next to you and farts under the covers before rolling over and snoring himself to sleep, but you’ve glued in pages from E. L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey right into the part where Jesus accuses Peter of denying him. By the time you finish reading, you look over at the overweight mass taking up space next to you in the bed and you realize; ‘my sex life has gone to hell and not the exciting kind’. If the book is anything, it’s instructional, and there are many tips to use in order to not only brighten up your sex life but perhaps even save your marriage.
1. Do not be afraid of a little kink.
Believe me, if you ask him, your boyfriend is probably dying to tie you up and gag you. And because of Portlandia we all know what a safe word is, so as long as you have someone you trust, there’s little to worry about and whole new worlds to be discovered. Kink can run the gamut between fishnet stockings to leather sex harnesses, the key is knowing what you’re comfortable with. Trying new things is always going to be better than the same old same old. You wouldn’t want to eat Spaghetti Bolognese every night for dinner would you?
2. Discuss, Discuss, Discuss
It’s the same as exclaiming ‘I said no, fucker!’ when he tries to put it in the back door for the millionth time. If you don’t communicate, your sex life is going to suffer. Even if your extent of daily conversation is arguing about the remote, it’s most important to open your mouth in the bedroom, for more reasons than one. It might be awkward at first but if you’re at a point in your relationship where you can’t talk about how rough you want it, then throw in the towl.
3. Pick a Side
It’ the same as having a side of the bed, or a shower schedule. Make sure you and your partner are both aware as to who’s the dominant and who’s the submissive. How are you going to make a convincing role-play scenario work when you both want to be the wanton milk-maid? This doesn’t mean that you can’t take turns, that’s part of the fun. But usually it will work out that one of you wants to be Germany and the other one wants to be the rest of the world.
4. Personalize It.
Fifty Shades is not for everybody, but you don’t have to follow instructions to the letter, no pun intended. Make your own fun and pick out your own steel cock rings. Don’t interpret it as the holy gospel. Look at it more as like a suggestion. Improvise and let your hard on do the thinking. It’s a lot more exciting when you have no idea where he’s going to put it next rather than mentally preparing for it.