There has always been this ideal between most couples to achieve the “perfect relationship.” You’ve heard the fairy tales. No fighting. Excellent sex. Communication that comes easier than Boost Mobile. Gloating a savings account that grows like a Chia Pet. Naturally sexy bodies that require no physical training just a steady diet of things that taste like cardboard. It’s disgusting.
These surrogates saunter about the yellow brick road high and mighty, under the illusion they’ve already made it to Oz. And the irony is that a pursuit of perfection ends in becoming a professional masturbator with the only glimpses of yellow coming from the golden arches of a McDonald’s drive-thru. Not to rain on anyone’s parade, but perfect doesn’t exist.
Successful relationships aren’t found in their value on paper; you wipe your ass with paper. They’re found in the idiosyncrasies shared between two people.
Start with comfort. Obviously a couple needs to feel comfortable around each other, but take it to another level. Don’t ever be afraid to rip-ass in front of your partner. Ladies let your man see you disheveled, in your specified “period underwear.” Forget about Kate Beckinsale and her theories on constantly being done-up for your man, even around the house. Guys need to see woman at their worst and vice versa. Relationships aren’t always a sultry photo shoot in a London mansion. Vulnerability is love’s legs spread open whispering, “Make me feel better.”
Act silly with each other. Carry on inside jokes long after they’ve made the people around you feel uncomfortable. Talk in foreign accents to each other while you bang. Crash expensive weddings and dance like drunken fools. Try to avoid at all costs becoming that couple with the American flag poles stuck up their ass. People up-chuck while conversing with those stiffs. There’s nothing wrong with acting a little immature once in a while. It keeps the relationship fresh and jovial.
Don’t fear the onset of an argument. If the topic is debatable, fire away. Disagree with your lover. Don’t be a doormat for all their crass or ridiculous notions. Showing passion and conviction for something can be as sexy as a whip crème bikini. Being able to express to each other that there are differences between you, displays your true selves. Of course there’s always the conman approach. Get into an argument, lose on purpose and ham up the feelings of defeat. Your partner will then empathize with you and usually perform oral sex as an, “I’m sorry baby.”
The “perfect relationship” is an impossible dream, right up there next to procreating with Jennifer Anniston. Instead, learn to love the imperfections and, maybe then, you’ll find real happiness.
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