Imperfect Love in a Relationship

Imperfect Love in a Relationship

There has always been this ideal between most couples to achieve the “perfect relationship.” You’ve heard the fairy tales. No fighting. Excellent sex. Communication that comes easier than Boost Mobile. Gloating a savings account that grows like a Chia Pet. Naturally sexy bodies that require no physical training just a steady diet of things that taste like cardboard. It’s disgusting. These surrogates saunter about the yellow brick road high and

Finger Banging at the 2012 Winter Olympics

So we’re not finger banging on the high-school bleachers anymore, but we still have fingers and girls still have needs. Maybe you’re a little rusty, or maybe you’re hasty to get to the humpin’, but finger banging isn’t just for junior prom anymore. Spruce up your techniques and you’ll be titillating her in no time—anytime, anywhere—with nothing but your bare hands. Imagine if finger banging were a sport, our profiles

Say Hello To My Little Friend Sperm

Hey look, it’s sperm everybody! No matter what we call it – jizz, spooge, cum – we talk about semen all the time. But you probably haven’t heard the word “sperm” since eighth grade Biology. They look like tiny tadpoles and you need them to make a baby but how much do we really know about the male reproductive cell? Here are a few fun facts everyone should know about

Sexy Long Distance Relationships

Another night rubbing one out via webcam got ya down? With just over 7 million couples in the U.S. reportedly in long distance relationships, chances are you’re just one of many whose orgasm depends on bandwidth speed. While this might be great for the creators of Skype, it means 14 million Americans have to deal with the stress of keeping things hot and heavy from a distance. No one is

Are You Having Sex in The Kitchen?

Sex can get awfully boring. You go out for a decent dinner, and then you see a mediocre movie. Later on, you have some routine sex that rivals putting together a TV stand. The night was supposed to be approaching a climax, but you got blue-balled in the numerous formalities of your mundane life. It’s time to change that. You need to think outside the bedroom. And by “think”, I

One-Night Stand Survival Guide

Ever wake up in a bed you’ve never seen before with a stranger’s heavy arm prostrate over your body? Yay, It’s your first one-night stand! It’s starting to look like Easter Sunday because you’re hunting for your clothes, keys, wallet, phone, and dignity. On top, you’ve got a pounding headache and sweat stains on your favorite shirt. And, it’s too early in the morning to ask yourself “what did I

How to Have a Threesome

Sex and chicken wings are a lot alike. Actually they’re not, but someone’s always licking fingers after they’re done. Threesomes! Those are like a greasy meal with sauce and legs all over the place. Who’s having those? According to Cosmopolitan, 10% of woman have confirmed they have been involved in a threesome, and 33% of men confirmed it is their number one fantasy. Inviting a new partner to the bedroom

Economic Turmoil, Young Women With Older Men

We’re all broke. Yaaay! According to The New York Times, the number of Americans living below the official poverty line is now 46.2 million. This is the highest it’s been in the last 52 years. And while all these people are struggling to keep their heads above water, a few TootIt readers recently overcame economic adversity without much effort. Margaret got pregnant by her rich Orthodontist, and young Sally is

Pretend to Have Sex With Someone Else

Face it, we’re never going to end up with someone we want to come with. Unless a woman camps out on Sunset Blvd. with a pair of binoculars and a stun-gun, there’s almost no chance she’ll ever bed Gerard Butler. Instead, she’ll end up with Joe Douche-bag who wears his socks while doing it, farts under the covers, and calls her a filthy whore – and not in the good

Tips For Meeting Girls on Twitter

Bored with social media and thinking about joining Twitter? No doubt you’ve mastered Facebook having banged your 7th grade sweetheart and more model “friends” than anyone. A natural transition right? Just remember one thing: Twitter is not Facebook. In fact, Facebook is the clean-shaven Mormon boy, who wakes you up with a Psalm or two. Twitter is the mustachioed, evil-twin, who tweets about your mother, while fingering your big sis.